Is this make me a SLUT!

Guess where I am ??? :-)
That's right , I'm finally here in Wellington, New Zealand.

I just reliazed that NZ immigration is one of the toughest immigrition in the whole world. You know what was the first thing they say to me? "Good morning Ma'am, Welcome to New Zealand. May I see you ticket out of NZ please?" -- Whoa, what was that ?! I just got here and they wanted to know when will I leave. That's not very welcoming.

SN picked me up at the airport as we agreed. I gave him a so-called "Greeting hug". He hugged me so tight I can't even brethe and he gave me a rose ! I didn't expect that - it was a good sign though.

All evening, we were back to teenagers again - sharing ice-cream and went for a moive, Four Holidays - SO FUNNY. It was a great first date. Although there was some awkard moment, but I can feel it that he was trying his best to break the ice. Damn... he is a nice guy.

Nothing happened through out the day, I don't know about him but I flirted him a little bit (by sharing ice-cream, duh!!). Nothing happen in a movie - no brief making out session like I expect.

Then when we got home (Oh, I stay with him by the way), we were watching TV on his bed. That was when everthing heated up. We first started by sitting next to each other real CLOSE. He was leaning forward. I was leaning against him. That was our perfect moment.

He remembered how I like cuddle up and making out. Oh yeah... we did all that. The climax was after midnight. A little bit more of french kissing - which he told me I was a good kisser :) A little bit of touching here and there. We kissed for soooo long. Then he was on top of me -- that was the beginning.

He was good in bed which there is no doubt about it since he is the more experience man. He knows how to please a girl. He knows all of my turn on spots. Since last night was the first time we met so I don't really want to have sex with him, but we can't resist our need and wants, can we? Making out eventually becomes sexual intercourse.

The sex part was good, really good. However, the idea of "just cum, I don't wanna do this anymore" crossed my mind. Just like that! He turned me on and I just turned myself off. I'm such a loser!

I mean I knew that the sex part is coming. I see it coming and last night was one of them. ARGH!!!! I am soooooooooooooo confused. The sex was good. He is good, but I don't want to have sex.

One last thing that bothers me is that I don't wanna have this relationship rely on SEX. It's like if we have sex then we cannot have anything less than sex. Everything we do, will lead to sex. And If, just if, I am not in the mood or refuse sex. Then SN will be upset. It'll be like "come on... we've had sex before, why not?!"

Please don't try to understand me, I am just complaing and expressing my thought. He's still sleeping. ;p (Although he awakes, he wouldn't understand. Guys)