Am I Lucky or What ?

It's been 5 days since I've been in this quiet country - New Zealand.

Hate to admit, but yeap I am having the time of my life :-D
Perfect way to end this shit year, aye?

SN is SOOOOOO nice. I know I know, I've said it before but well... it's true ! He is like the prefect boyfriend I have ever had. He always either holds my hand all the time or puts his hand around my waist or shoulder. I LOVE IT :-) He always notices this little details about me and finds a way to show / express it. He says "I love you" all the time. First thing I'll hear after I wake up or the last thing I'll here before I go to bed is "I love you". How sweet is that??


If this is a dream, I really don't wanna wake up.

Complications .... I hate you

After I've decided to improve my communication skills with SN. Things are getting better and better. We talk about EVERYTHING! I told him how I feel about sex on the first night we met. He seems pretty cool and understands me, still we do it EVERYNIGHT.

And then there was one night, we started the foreplay as usual. He gave me oral sex (which is THE BEST ever !!) and he promised to stay with the oral sex part. Things were getting out of control, he slided his d**k in and I was too damn horny to reject him. It wasnt really my fault since he was the one who made me want him so badly. In the end, I cried. A part of me was happy what we just did, another part of me was freaking out - I felt so bad. I wasn't ready!

SN handled the situation pretty cool. He kept repeating "Oh baby, I'm sorry." I turned my face toward the wall and bursted in tear. I swear to god I heard him cried. He cried, can you believe it?! He wiped off his tear and said that lame excuse like "I didn't cry. There's something in my eyes." The next morning, he went to work. So we hardly talked. Later on that day, he texted me so long about how sorry he was and what should he do so I'll forgive him.

You know that when people are so crazy in love or while two people are having sex, they'll become another person or even act differently, right? Well... at least I thought so. That was why I eventually told him how I felt last night. Of course he understands as usual - still I have a feeling that it's only his understanding I'll ever get. He couldn't help himself. He just couldn't resist. I can tell that he wants me so badly.

However, he's still a nice guy. Always understanding. Pays for everything. Helps me carrying things. Takes very good care of me. Very funny guy.

Oh god.... I need to choose between SN and KL.

Is this make me a SLUT!

Guess where I am ??? :-)
That's right , I'm finally here in Wellington, New Zealand.

I just reliazed that NZ immigration is one of the toughest immigrition in the whole world. You know what was the first thing they say to me? "Good morning Ma'am, Welcome to New Zealand. May I see you ticket out of NZ please?" -- Whoa, what was that ?! I just got here and they wanted to know when will I leave. That's not very welcoming.

SN picked me up at the airport as we agreed. I gave him a so-called "Greeting hug". He hugged me so tight I can't even brethe and he gave me a rose ! I didn't expect that - it was a good sign though.

All evening, we were back to teenagers again - sharing ice-cream and went for a moive, Four Holidays - SO FUNNY. It was a great first date. Although there was some awkard moment, but I can feel it that he was trying his best to break the ice. Damn... he is a nice guy.

Nothing happened through out the day, I don't know about him but I flirted him a little bit (by sharing ice-cream, duh!!). Nothing happen in a movie - no brief making out session like I expect.

Then when we got home (Oh, I stay with him by the way), we were watching TV on his bed. That was when everthing heated up. We first started by sitting next to each other real CLOSE. He was leaning forward. I was leaning against him. That was our perfect moment.

He remembered how I like cuddle up and making out. Oh yeah... we did all that. The climax was after midnight. A little bit more of french kissing - which he told me I was a good kisser :) A little bit of touching here and there. We kissed for soooo long. Then he was on top of me -- that was the beginning.

He was good in bed which there is no doubt about it since he is the more experience man. He knows how to please a girl. He knows all of my turn on spots. Since last night was the first time we met so I don't really want to have sex with him, but we can't resist our need and wants, can we? Making out eventually becomes sexual intercourse.

The sex part was good, really good. However, the idea of "just cum, I don't wanna do this anymore" crossed my mind. Just like that! He turned me on and I just turned myself off. I'm such a loser!

I mean I knew that the sex part is coming. I see it coming and last night was one of them. ARGH!!!! I am soooooooooooooo confused. The sex was good. He is good, but I don't want to have sex.

One last thing that bothers me is that I don't wanna have this relationship rely on SEX. It's like if we have sex then we cannot have anything less than sex. Everything we do, will lead to sex. And If, just if, I am not in the mood or refuse sex. Then SN will be upset. It'll be like "come on... we've had sex before, why not?!"

Please don't try to understand me, I am just complaing and expressing my thought. He's still sleeping. ;p (Although he awakes, he wouldn't understand. Guys)

How Come I've Never Thought about This ??!!

Doesn't it fucking nervous and terrify that you'll going there on Sunday and yet you have a fight - stupid one I might add - on Thursday. I mean, oh my fucking god, I have never thought we'll fight about this since he is always so understanding.


Wanna know what we fought about? He was angry with me the moment I told him that I might not have sex with him on the very first night I sleep on his bed. Then he said things like "I guess we just stick with the bf/gf relationship" and he just lost his temper, babbling about sleeping on a sofa and went offline.


And what is wrong with that ?!?! Hellooo, I am about to fly 15 hours to see you and you are mad because I won't have sex with you on the first night?! There will be second night and many more nights to come, my return flight is scheduled on 5 January, for christ sake.


I think I'm too happy to notice that this will eventually come. Too happy about getting a flight confirmation, spending Christmas and New Year with SN but I have never seriously thought about "what if we have a fight and he kicks me out? -- where would I be then?!"


Seriously people, it hurts. This so hurts that I cried -- I know I'm very emotional but that's me. I have already sacrificed my current relationship just to be with SN.

Good karma, bad karma things come this fast ?!


Oh mannn.... I might need to do some research about budget hotels / hostels in Wellington or even make a booking just in case.

My Pray Has Been Answered. Finally

Finally, finally , finally :)

After a few complaints in the blog together with a lot of prays, I finally out of the "wait-listed" and into the "confirmed". I swear, life couldn never been so happier. Never :D

Most of time I and SN are just talking and planning :

- What will most likely to happen when we meet at the airport?

- Where are we going after that? (He told me he'll take me to Starbucks - like we don't have Starbucks in Thailand, and a movie and up to Mt. Victoria for a spectacular night view of Wellington.)

- How far will we go on this first date? (For me, I 'm not so sure about the kiss as I don't really kiss on the first date. But I often go with the flow :))

- How will we spend the night together?

- Our first road trip around North Island of New Zealand together

- etc.

Half way through the packing. I want to look my best and the cutest as I can be.

First impression is (still) everything.

Being Paranoid

Does it always like this? Visiting other countries during Christmas holiday will always on "wait-listed" especially when the origin flight departs from Bangkok ?!

My dad paid return ticket to Wellington, New Zealand for me aka I get this ticket for free and now I'm on Wait List - -'' Come on... I don't fly coach, it's business class for christ sake! All I need is one seat from Bangkok to Sydney, one fucking seat. UUUGGGHHHH !!!

It's been a day and my flight has not been confirmed. Well... Sydney to Wellington is confirmed but not Bangkok - Sydney. The worse new is I have to issue the ticket by 18th December - the day after tomorrow. I've been praying so that I can get a seat to New Zealand. I wanna meet SN. I don't wanna celebrate Christmas alone this year :(((

And I don't even want to unpack the re-pack. My life during the holiday is SO mean.

I know I know ... I'm just being paranoid but I have cancelled the hotels and the train ticket to Laos. So that means either I have a romantic holiday in New Zealand or stuck here in Thailand.

Praying some more. Cross my fingers and hope I'll get a seat by tomorrow.

Anything / Shit Happens

A couple of days ago I was still babbling about Laos and today I bought a ticket to Wellington, the capital of New Zealand to visit SN.

Same old excuses:

- I thought I have enough money for the ticket to Thailand (well, you should have planned)

- I didn't know the fare changes every day (dah!!)

- I am going there. I really want to see you (and guess who's going there instead - -'')

I don't really mind going there. I mean I love New Zealand but seeing each other for the first time, shouldn't the guy make the move and move your f***ing ass over here ?? Excuse my language people, I am pissed.

Anyway, 5 more days and I'm flying to Wellington in Business class -- hoorayyy :-) Sponsored by my old man, thanks daddy.

Screw Laos !

Wellington... here I come !!

Into a Nut Shell

I don't know why but I am so not as happy (as usual) that it's Friday >____<

My trip (with SN) to Laos has been scheduled on the very fist day of my Christmas holiday - 19 is the last day we'll work, and baaammm !! I'm going on 20. I mean this will be the first meet between us so I want to spend time with SN as long as I possibly could.

In the beginning, he told me that he will arrive here on 17th Dec, then he changed to 18th Dec. And today is Friday 12th and my f***ing SN hasn't even bought the f***ing plane ticket!! What can I say people? I don't wanna pressuring him and bugging him about "when will you buy the ticket?". But hey, if I were him I would have my ticket bought 2-3 weeks before the scheduled meet.

And that is FRUSTRATING. ARG!!!! Coming here on 18th, how can he NOT buy the god damn plane ticket !!!!!????? Wait... or is it okay in New Zealand to buy the plane ticket less than a week before travel?? Someone enlightens me please !!!

That's it !! I have come to the conclusion that if he fails to see me this time - just because he was a little bit too late in saving money for this air fare - then I will end this relationship.

M o v e o n . . . .

How come I still imagine myself with him ?

Relationship is complicated!

Love Is In The Air Part I

Believe it or not, the closer Christmas is, the busier my work will be. Strange but true !!

More details about my so-called cyber boyfriend is on its way. It's gonna be long long story.

Here you go.....

10+ years ago when internet was a RARE thing in my country (sad but true huh). mIRC and ICQ were the IT-thing, it's like Myspace, Facebook, Hi5 these days that everyone must have at least one of the mentioned IT-thing. Anyway, I met this guy, SN in mIRC and he was one of the Admin of the server with the "@" in front of his name. It was kinda cool and of course I wanted to have one of the "@". So I started talking to him which led to hitting on him and flirting with him. The bottom line of that is we were a couple -- but more like long distance relationship of course.

I don't really trust anybody easily, but once you have my trust I can be VERY open person. So yeah, we talked about anything, everything and everyday. I had to come home early so that I can talk to him in mIRC. OOOO.... he lives in New Zealand by the way, so we have 5-6 hours difference. This bond we had was truly special with a little bit of fantasy as we have never met!

But you know, it's not like I was obsessed with him or anything. In the real life, I have moved on. I had relationships, went on several dates, had passionate touchable kisses and many more.

Time passed by, I was like forgot all about SN. My love for him was kinda faded away. Then one day I met him again online. He told me that he's married and was about to have a child ! To tell you the truth, I was SHOCKED !! It was like deep down inside, I always thought I am the only for him. His feeling for me was so strong that he couldn't love anyone else. But obviously, I was COMPLETELY WRONG! Okay, so that was it. My passionate romance for him was gone. What we had, will be just little tiny corner in my heart (I don't wanna delete our memory as it was good, you know ^^'' )

More time passed by, I had this long serious relationship with KL. He has broken all the relationship record. We've been together for almost 7 years now but if everything is going smooth you will loose all the fun part. So during this romance I have with KL, once in a while I was kinda flirted with SN -- just to measure my rating and his feeling towards me. OOOO.... did I mention that SN has separated with his wife?? I couldn't help feel so good as he could have waited for me, right ???

Being with KL in the real life and still flirting with SN on the net, is that make me a bitch??

Anyway, at the present I'm still with KL and SN is alone with his daughter. And my Christmas holiday is about to get started, of course I don't want to spend Christmas holiday alone in this winter. The meteorologist in Thailand claimed that this year will be the coldest year in 30 years!! It won't be as freezing as UK or USA, but it'll be cooler, and not sweaty. I couldn't ask for more ! Sooooo.... I asked him if he wanna come to Thailand and spend out first Christmas together. And he agreed !!!

What about KL, you might wonder? Well... since Thailand doesn't really celebrate Christmas so he will be working and will have days off only on 31 December and 1 January. Seeeee.... how lonely will I be if SN doesn't come :P

OK. enough for the first part. Back to work people !

Just Another Thought Which Could Lead to a New Relationship !!

Monday again everyone .... another working day passes by to all of the office chic out there (including me yeah)

A little bit about me, I'm living in a Buddhist country where we do not find easter eggs during Easter or decorate Christmas tree during Christmas.

And to work in a UK Brokerage firm where I love everything about it: office hour 1300-2200 (local time), the most friendly and the most understanding boss ever and fabulous Christmas Holiday - starts on the 19th people. WOOOHOOO !!!

Since I'm not the girl who stays home during holidays, I have a plan to visit the neighboring country, namely Laos. Laos is next to Thailand and we don't really go there. People usually think about Hong Kong or Japan. So Laos, watch out, here I come !

Guess who's coming with me to Laos?

Ans :: My cyber-boyfriend, known him for 10+ years, never actually met the guy.

Will come back with more details about this :--)

xoxo,

iiizzzeeennn

Using Blogger Template for the VERY FIRST time

Wow... I can't believe this (using blogspot template) went so well.

To all new users out there, if it works for me it DEFINITELY works for y'all.

I think I'd call 'this' my success.