Can't Wait Till Next Month

I've come to the final conclusion that 'BJ' is indeed a cultural preference.  (Or could it be that I didn't have such a good experience with it in the first place so I kinda... don't like doing it?)

Anyway, as May is almost over so I've been working on our June trip.  I really really wanna escape the heat in Bangkok to the cool windy area in New Zealand.  My only concern is I don't know if two-week-annual leave is too much ?!  Any ideas ??  I've read from the internet long time ago that British  love to take days off. Since I'm working for British company, is it possible that they don't mind this two-weeks-annual leave of mine??!!

Oh and the other day, SN told me that he bought this Sony Alpha A300 for my upcoming birthday.  How cool is that !!  Let go the compact camera and start with DSLR. Hooray :-)

It's All About 'BJ'

I know that relationship is all about give and take, but would it make me selfish that I only take???  And in this case... it's about BJ / oral sex / licking whatever you wanna call.

For ages, I have this weird + traditional believe that I would ONLY give a BJ to my 'husband' not 'boyfriend'.  I just don't wanna randomly suck every single cock I've been dating you know.  Anyway, this has never become an issue between me and SN until tonight, when he mentioned "It's nice to give and take once in while you know."  Oh oooo.... I felt like I shouldn't have brought this up.  I mean we talked about this and I thought he perfectly understands and respects that (strange) idea of mine.  Then he went, "It's ok. I don't mind.  I'll just eat you every now and then.  I know you really like it."

Y'all feel the same way as me?? It's like SN tries to make it fair - which is obviously not fair as he knows how much I love oral sex - it's like if I give him BJ now and then, he'll give me oral every now and then.  

Suddenly the dark side of me said "I knew it! I knew it!"  Guys just can't licking girls without expecting to be licked in return !!! 

Maybe I'm not Western enough.  Every typical Western girls would not mind giving BJ to their boyfriends. Right ??  But it's not my problem, my international environment that I've been living in, doesn't set any rules indicating BJ and sex are the same thing that you must participate with your partners.

And now... just because I wouldn't give him BJ (until we get married), I won't be receiving any BJ - as often as it always was - from him.

Or, maybe the same rules applied here.... like kissing for instance... if a guy kisses you but you don't kiss a guy back, then eventually he'll stop kissing you.

P.S.  FYI people.... I did it once and it lasted only 12 sec... sucking that thing... his thing was big and long (longer than my ex anyway), I felt like it couldn't fit my mouth !! I was almost choked.

Mumble Rumble

After the 'situation' with my ex and SN, everything sort of went back to normal.   I don't know... still I feel there are some complications between us, me and SN.  I don't know what are they but there are.

OK, I was mumbling to myself.  It's just nothing works out the way I thought it would.

P.S. Lipstick Jungle Season 2 is soooooo worth waiting for.  

Something Y'all Just Couldn't Believe

OK. You'll never believe what happened to me last weekend.  My ex BF was logged on to my MSN account, was pretended to be me and talked to SN.  Lucky me that his English isn't as good as mine so SN knew that it wasn't me.

I know that it's not the end of the world - my ex BF talks to SN but he said things that aren't true.  He told SN that we're still together and that I've been lying to SN all along.  All crap !!

Seriously, I just couldn't believe that my ex would do something like that.  I mean we were together for almost 7 years, I thought I know him well.  Not at all. Obviously I was complete wrong.  After we broke up, I think he has planned to sabotage me.  

I thought we can always be friends with our ex.  Again, I was wrong.  Either you dump him or you're being dumped, friendship just not gonna happen after the sweet relationship.  It's not only you loose a BF but also a friend.   

Whatever.... I couldn't care less from what my ex BF did.

But It's Not Like We Don't Have Any Happy Moment...

Apart from the fight / argument we have almost every day, during his visit there're some memorable touchy moments.

1. When we aren't mad at each other, he holds me all night long. He's nothing like my ex who held me just half of the night and sleep in our own way. SN holds me ALL NIGHT. When I turn my back on him, he holds me backward - my favorite kind of hug :D

2. He LLLOOOVVVEEESSS Thai food. We've got the same taste. No matter what I order, it's usually his favorite and vice versa. Apparently, sex isn't the only compatible thing in this relationship.

3. If only Buddhist country like Thailand isn't so strict about showing affection in public, my hand will always placed on his hips while his hand will be placed on mine. We'll kiss each other while queuing for a move or snack. He will hold be backward whenever we take the escalator. We'll kiss passionately in the elevator. Get the picture. :-)

Yesterday, I drove him to the airport. I had no idea that saying goodbye to your love one is going to be this HARD !! Just make it quick so there won't be so much teary moment. At that moment, we kissed and hugged - I forgot for a moment that we shouldn't suppose to do any PDA in Bangkok - but what da hell.... it's the airport.

So now.... I can't wait till June - for our next meet. I wish I can go to NZ - I want to spend my winter there, wearing knee-length boots and all that. ( I've been told that 2-weeks-annual-leave is too much so there's a chance that my boss might not approve that) However, if I can't go there, SN said he will come here. Either way... we're going to meet again in the next 3 months !!

When I'm not thinking about the "daughter" issue, this relationship is all gggooooooooddddd !!!

Emotional Moment

After paying all 3 meals, I finally asked him "Do you mind if we share the meal?? I don't think I can pay for all the meals by myself." Then, he withdrew some money and started to pay for everything, like meals, movies, coffee etc. Although I felt a little guilty about that, I was so relieved.

The weekend has over, here came the weekdays which I work from 13.30-22.00. We did spend the morning together. He still woke me up in the morning. It wasn't entirely his fault. I 'm just a light sleeper - a single phone call can wake me up. Get up in the morning is not that bad after all, coz we have some hot morning sex. Not the quickie one, but real hot sex.

Then there was one night that I bursted out in tears when SN says "I'm noticed one thing though. You always get upset whenever I talk about my daughter, Gabby" Well... I'm not 'upset' but I'm more like 'worry'. The worst thing of all is that my feeling is SO OBVIOUS that he knows about it.

FYI, I don't hate the girl. I know that it's a package deal - dating a single dad. I'm more like 'jealous' the girl. I know... I know... it's bad to feel that way, either hate or jealous, but he calls his daughter every single day at 7 o'clock in the morning !! SN was even frustrated when the internet connection was down and he couldn't talk to his daughter. I 'm also the oldest daughter and when I was 8, my dad didn't call me every day, when he wasn't home??!! A little too exaggerated, don't you think ??

Anyway, I can't tell him that I'm jealous of his daughter. It's like a suicide telling him that. So that night, instead of the hot sex, we turned our back to each others and went to sleep.

You think that was it?? NOOOOOOOOO...... there's more....

We had the argument again, can't remember exactly what it was. I was sitting on the sofa while he lied down on the bed watching T.V. We were in the same hotel room and then SN texted me "Do you want me to leave? You feel like you don't want me around." It was stupid in a way. I mean we were in the same room, why he texted me for ??? Not so long after that, he sat with me on the sofa, held me tight and begging in tears "Please don't leave me. I love you so much." Being so emotional, I cried and held him tight. Still I got nothing to say.

SN kissed me. I kissed him back. We moved from sofa to the bed. Without further discussion or anything, I knew we were about to have the "make-up sex". To be honest, I hate that. Of course, after the sex we both will feel good about it but then we won't be able to talk about the solution, so we don't have to go through the same fight over and over again, as both of us don't want to ruined the moment. Sooner or later, we will fight about the very same issue again.

So..... I told him what I thought. I said "I started to think that this relationship is based on SEX. SEX is the ONLY thing we get along really well." I know it sounds harsh, but it was I felt.

Then he went...

"No babe. I really want this to work out. The problem is that we don't communicate that much. You should open to me more. I can't read your mind when you're mad. If you don't wanna tell me, you can write an e-mail or leave a note." (I guess that why he texted me)

Honestly, I really really want this to work out. So I decided not to mention anything about how I was a little jealous of his daughter, Gaby. He said to me many times, that it's a different kind of love... me and Gaby... Well, I'm not used to it (don't know if I ever will), sharing my man with anyone, even with his daughter.

No need to judge. I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever! I'm 25, what do you expect ??!!

The idea of ending this relationship has even crossed my mind, can you believe that ?? The LRD is not the main problem anymore. The only problem, which I don't seem to be able to deal with, is dating a single dad ! I even think that if only we have not met, then he would have a happy family by now (although there're only him and his daughter).

Maybe I've Misintepreted it....

Yesterday (Friday) was the first day that we spent together here in Bangkok, me and SN. We had lunch together before I go to work. After we've finished all the food, SN said "thank you." I was kinda surprised why did he thank me for. Five minutes later, I totally understood as he didn't even take his wallet out of the pocket. You know where it's heading to, right? Yeap ! First meal together and he let me paid the whole meal.


Later on that day after I finished work, we also had dinner together. Again, he thanked me after we finished eating. And again, he sat there doing nothing when the waiter gave me the bills. Yeap ! Second meal together, I (still) paid for it.


I mean I have no problem paying for all the meals when I say "OK let's grab a bite. My treat." But hello !!?? I didn't say anything like that. Why he sat there doing nothing and let me handled all the expense here?????


Or that NZ$500 yesterday was also 'a hint' he tried to drop with a thought "hey, I gave you NZ$500 so now you have to pay for everything." Ehhh.....then I don't want that NZ$500.


Like I said, my ideal boyfriend should either
a) Pay all
b) Pay most
c) Pay half - split equally


But what the hell was all that mean???!!!


Before he dicided to come here, I didn't imply anything saying I will responsible all the expense during his stay here. Not at all.


OR this is his plan all along??? I visited him on Christmas last year and he did pay for everything. So now when he visits me in Thailand I should pay for eveything as well???


WTF !!! This is not what I had in mind. NOT AT ALL !!! Now I'm not exactly happy that SN's here.


And this morning, he got up really early, like 6 am. in the morning. I think he's still suffer with jet lag. He took a shower then he turned off the air-con. Excuse me, it's 30 degree Celcious out there. It's freaking HOT !! And in case he didn't notice, I was still in bed. Still sleeping. I was a bit frustrated for few reasons::
a) it's only 6 am on saturday, I need more sleep.
b) it's fucking hot out there. Why the hell did he turn the air-con off??


Whatever the reason was... I was TOO POLITE to tell him to turn the air-con back on. So I waited till he left the room and I turned the air-con back on. I mean air-con has never been our issue before as his house in New Zealand doesn't have air-con. But hey... in Thailand, you can't live without air-con. I'm telling ya...


Apart from all the great wonderful sex we had, nothing else turns out like I expected - money related - if you know what I mean.


*sigh*