But It's Not Like We Don't Have Any Happy Moment...

Apart from the fight / argument we have almost every day, during his visit there're some memorable touchy moments.

1. When we aren't mad at each other, he holds me all night long. He's nothing like my ex who held me just half of the night and sleep in our own way. SN holds me ALL NIGHT. When I turn my back on him, he holds me backward - my favorite kind of hug :D

2. He LLLOOOVVVEEESSS Thai food. We've got the same taste. No matter what I order, it's usually his favorite and vice versa. Apparently, sex isn't the only compatible thing in this relationship.

3. If only Buddhist country like Thailand isn't so strict about showing affection in public, my hand will always placed on his hips while his hand will be placed on mine. We'll kiss each other while queuing for a move or snack. He will hold be backward whenever we take the escalator. We'll kiss passionately in the elevator. Get the picture. :-)

Yesterday, I drove him to the airport. I had no idea that saying goodbye to your love one is going to be this HARD !! Just make it quick so there won't be so much teary moment. At that moment, we kissed and hugged - I forgot for a moment that we shouldn't suppose to do any PDA in Bangkok - but what da hell.... it's the airport.

So now.... I can't wait till June - for our next meet. I wish I can go to NZ - I want to spend my winter there, wearing knee-length boots and all that. ( I've been told that 2-weeks-annual-leave is too much so there's a chance that my boss might not approve that) However, if I can't go there, SN said he will come here. Either way... we're going to meet again in the next 3 months !!

When I'm not thinking about the "daughter" issue, this relationship is all gggooooooooddddd !!!

Emotional Moment

After paying all 3 meals, I finally asked him "Do you mind if we share the meal?? I don't think I can pay for all the meals by myself." Then, he withdrew some money and started to pay for everything, like meals, movies, coffee etc. Although I felt a little guilty about that, I was so relieved.

The weekend has over, here came the weekdays which I work from 13.30-22.00. We did spend the morning together. He still woke me up in the morning. It wasn't entirely his fault. I 'm just a light sleeper - a single phone call can wake me up. Get up in the morning is not that bad after all, coz we have some hot morning sex. Not the quickie one, but real hot sex.

Then there was one night that I bursted out in tears when SN says "I'm noticed one thing though. You always get upset whenever I talk about my daughter, Gabby" Well... I'm not 'upset' but I'm more like 'worry'. The worst thing of all is that my feeling is SO OBVIOUS that he knows about it.

FYI, I don't hate the girl. I know that it's a package deal - dating a single dad. I'm more like 'jealous' the girl. I know... I know... it's bad to feel that way, either hate or jealous, but he calls his daughter every single day at 7 o'clock in the morning !! SN was even frustrated when the internet connection was down and he couldn't talk to his daughter. I 'm also the oldest daughter and when I was 8, my dad didn't call me every day, when he wasn't home??!! A little too exaggerated, don't you think ??

Anyway, I can't tell him that I'm jealous of his daughter. It's like a suicide telling him that. So that night, instead of the hot sex, we turned our back to each others and went to sleep.

You think that was it?? NOOOOOOOOO...... there's more....

We had the argument again, can't remember exactly what it was. I was sitting on the sofa while he lied down on the bed watching T.V. We were in the same hotel room and then SN texted me "Do you want me to leave? You feel like you don't want me around." It was stupid in a way. I mean we were in the same room, why he texted me for ??? Not so long after that, he sat with me on the sofa, held me tight and begging in tears "Please don't leave me. I love you so much." Being so emotional, I cried and held him tight. Still I got nothing to say.

SN kissed me. I kissed him back. We moved from sofa to the bed. Without further discussion or anything, I knew we were about to have the "make-up sex". To be honest, I hate that. Of course, after the sex we both will feel good about it but then we won't be able to talk about the solution, so we don't have to go through the same fight over and over again, as both of us don't want to ruined the moment. Sooner or later, we will fight about the very same issue again.

So..... I told him what I thought. I said "I started to think that this relationship is based on SEX. SEX is the ONLY thing we get along really well." I know it sounds harsh, but it was I felt.

Then he went...

"No babe. I really want this to work out. The problem is that we don't communicate that much. You should open to me more. I can't read your mind when you're mad. If you don't wanna tell me, you can write an e-mail or leave a note." (I guess that why he texted me)

Honestly, I really really want this to work out. So I decided not to mention anything about how I was a little jealous of his daughter, Gaby. He said to me many times, that it's a different kind of love... me and Gaby... Well, I'm not used to it (don't know if I ever will), sharing my man with anyone, even with his daughter.

No need to judge. I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever! I'm 25, what do you expect ??!!

The idea of ending this relationship has even crossed my mind, can you believe that ?? The LRD is not the main problem anymore. The only problem, which I don't seem to be able to deal with, is dating a single dad ! I even think that if only we have not met, then he would have a happy family by now (although there're only him and his daughter).

Maybe I've Misintepreted it....

Yesterday (Friday) was the first day that we spent together here in Bangkok, me and SN. We had lunch together before I go to work. After we've finished all the food, SN said "thank you." I was kinda surprised why did he thank me for. Five minutes later, I totally understood as he didn't even take his wallet out of the pocket. You know where it's heading to, right? Yeap ! First meal together and he let me paid the whole meal.


Later on that day after I finished work, we also had dinner together. Again, he thanked me after we finished eating. And again, he sat there doing nothing when the waiter gave me the bills. Yeap ! Second meal together, I (still) paid for it.


I mean I have no problem paying for all the meals when I say "OK let's grab a bite. My treat." But hello !!?? I didn't say anything like that. Why he sat there doing nothing and let me handled all the expense here?????


Or that NZ$500 yesterday was also 'a hint' he tried to drop with a thought "hey, I gave you NZ$500 so now you have to pay for everything." Ehhh.....then I don't want that NZ$500.


Like I said, my ideal boyfriend should either
a) Pay all
b) Pay most
c) Pay half - split equally


But what the hell was all that mean???!!!


Before he dicided to come here, I didn't imply anything saying I will responsible all the expense during his stay here. Not at all.


OR this is his plan all along??? I visited him on Christmas last year and he did pay for everything. So now when he visits me in Thailand I should pay for eveything as well???


WTF !!! This is not what I had in mind. NOT AT ALL !!! Now I'm not exactly happy that SN's here.


And this morning, he got up really early, like 6 am. in the morning. I think he's still suffer with jet lag. He took a shower then he turned off the air-con. Excuse me, it's 30 degree Celcious out there. It's freaking HOT !! And in case he didn't notice, I was still in bed. Still sleeping. I was a bit frustrated for few reasons::
a) it's only 6 am on saturday, I need more sleep.
b) it's fucking hot out there. Why the hell did he turn the air-con off??


Whatever the reason was... I was TOO POLITE to tell him to turn the air-con back on. So I waited till he left the room and I turned the air-con back on. I mean air-con has never been our issue before as his house in New Zealand doesn't have air-con. But hey... in Thailand, you can't live without air-con. I'm telling ya...


Apart from all the great wonderful sex we had, nothing else turns out like I expected - money related - if you know what I mean.


*sigh*

Quick Update....

SN has finally arrived.  I picked him up at 1.30 am. in the morning.  Didn't get much sleep as I have to come to work.

Although we just met on Christmas last year, I couldn't help feeling awkward and nervous.  But things turned out pretty good.  No silence moment on the way back to the hotel.  Conversation flow very smoothly.  We hugged, kissed and held hands. :)

When we arrived at the hotel, he gave me the chocolate that I like then.... he said he brought some cash with him, NZ$500.  So I went (pretty straight-forward) "Is this for the room or something else?"  SN replied "You said you want some cash in NZ$ so I brought some."

WHOA !!! I mentioned to him once that I want some NZ$ and he just gave it to me like that ??!!

Apart from the flowers he sent me on Valentine's Day, cash is another thing I can't say no to. :P

In short, he did get the hint. LOL

P.S. If you get to see your boyfriend every 3 months time, then LDR isn't so bad after all.

This Issue, It's Just Me Or What ??

Money. Money. Money.

Money has always been a big sensitive issue for me.  I've never lent people my money (only my boyfriend gets that privilege) because I feel really awkward asking "Hey, you owed that XX amount of money and you haven't paid me back."  And I hardly borrow money from people, again I only borrow the money from my boyfriend.

On my last entry, I was babbling about how I secured the room booking with my credit card.  I've done some calculating and the room charge is 32% of my salary.  I mean, yes I love SN. I trust him just like he trusts me.  But it's not so GENTLEMEN to let your girlfriend pays for your accommodation, isn't it ??

Is it bad that I want him to pay me back first thing when he arrives??  

I really don't know how to bring this up to SN's attention.  I left a hint, while chatting with him in MSN, that I don't want to live my live with credit cards debts and how I prefer cash and all that.  Wondered if he gets that hint??!!

Or it's a bad idea just to think about this.  When I visited him in NZ last Christmas, SN paid for absolutely EVERYTHING, hotels, food, sight-seeing tours etc. He even paid me back the money (about 60% of the full price) for the plane ticket which my father bought for me !!  Back then we weren't really a couple yet.

All I'm saying is that in a relationship, guy  should either

a) Pay all

b) Pay more

c) Pay half - just split it equally

The bright side is ..... that's right people (and my non-regular readers), SN isn't cancel the trip.  He is coming to see my this very Thursday :)

Just Fucking Great :(

Before all of this happens, SN told me "yeah sure, you guys can be friends."  You guys as in me and KL - who is now my kinda ex-boyfriend.

Last weekend, I had to go to Chonburi - where the famous Pattaya Beach is located - for the business.  Of course, I did told SN that I was going to Chonburi and all that.  On saturday morning, KL called me and said he can go there with me.  Needless to say, I accepted that offer. It is nice to have someone with you while you have to drive 2.3 hours - just to keep you awake you know.

When I got back, I blogged about this little business trip of mine in my other blog - which I write it in Thai.  I know that SN bookmarked this blog, still I didn't care, I blogged about it anyway.  Although SN cannot read Thai but he can understand the story from all the photos - which mostly about where I went and what I did there.

All of the sudden, he started to mad at me... babbling about why I spent the weekend with my ex-boyfriend.  Don't I remember that he's a jealous type of guy ?? Blah...blah...blah....

Duh!!! You once told me that I and my ex-boyfriend still can be friends, remember??

Bottom line is SN is freaking mad.  He even texted me that he'll cancel his trip to Bangkok next week.  Just great !!  The hotel has already charged those 7 nights in the total of almost 9,000THB to my credit card.   Just fucking great !!!

Our Little Weekend Routine

And then it's become like a routine.... video chatting via MSN on the weekends.  SN even got up early, like 4 a.m. in the morning, so he can have this video chat with me.

It's not that I don't enjoy that or anything but SN is always headed toward the "sex chat zone" - which I think it's kinda odd.  I use webcam because I want to see his face and hear his voice, not to see another person's private body part.

Whatttteverrr.... I know he loves to tease me about it.  He says "You're such a shy girl, baby"  What's wrong with me being shy?  It's not like it's a crime !!??  Sometimes he teases me too much that it is so frustrating.

Like last night for example, while we were talking and telling how much we missed one another.  SN was like, "Babe.... can I see your boobies please??" Of course, I firmly rejected him. What the heck was he thinking?  But again, after more and more of "please", I took a photo of my boobies and sent it to SN.  Now...WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???!!!

Still, we always have a great time with this video call chatting :)