This Issue, It's Just Me Or What ??

Money. Money. Money.

Money has always been a big sensitive issue for me.  I've never lent people my money (only my boyfriend gets that privilege) because I feel really awkward asking "Hey, you owed that XX amount of money and you haven't paid me back."  And I hardly borrow money from people, again I only borrow the money from my boyfriend.

On my last entry, I was babbling about how I secured the room booking with my credit card.  I've done some calculating and the room charge is 32% of my salary.  I mean, yes I love SN. I trust him just like he trusts me.  But it's not so GENTLEMEN to let your girlfriend pays for your accommodation, isn't it ??

Is it bad that I want him to pay me back first thing when he arrives??  

I really don't know how to bring this up to SN's attention.  I left a hint, while chatting with him in MSN, that I don't want to live my live with credit cards debts and how I prefer cash and all that.  Wondered if he gets that hint??!!

Or it's a bad idea just to think about this.  When I visited him in NZ last Christmas, SN paid for absolutely EVERYTHING, hotels, food, sight-seeing tours etc. He even paid me back the money (about 60% of the full price) for the plane ticket which my father bought for me !!  Back then we weren't really a couple yet.

All I'm saying is that in a relationship, guy  should either

a) Pay all

b) Pay more

c) Pay half - just split it equally

The bright side is ..... that's right people (and my non-regular readers), SN isn't cancel the trip.  He is coming to see my this very Thursday :)

Just Fucking Great :(

Before all of this happens, SN told me "yeah sure, you guys can be friends."  You guys as in me and KL - who is now my kinda ex-boyfriend.

Last weekend, I had to go to Chonburi - where the famous Pattaya Beach is located - for the business.  Of course, I did told SN that I was going to Chonburi and all that.  On saturday morning, KL called me and said he can go there with me.  Needless to say, I accepted that offer. It is nice to have someone with you while you have to drive 2.3 hours - just to keep you awake you know.

When I got back, I blogged about this little business trip of mine in my other blog - which I write it in Thai.  I know that SN bookmarked this blog, still I didn't care, I blogged about it anyway.  Although SN cannot read Thai but he can understand the story from all the photos - which mostly about where I went and what I did there.

All of the sudden, he started to mad at me... babbling about why I spent the weekend with my ex-boyfriend.  Don't I remember that he's a jealous type of guy ?? Blah...blah...blah....

Duh!!! You once told me that I and my ex-boyfriend still can be friends, remember??

Bottom line is SN is freaking mad.  He even texted me that he'll cancel his trip to Bangkok next week.  Just great !!  The hotel has already charged those 7 nights in the total of almost 9,000THB to my credit card.   Just fucking great !!!

Our Little Weekend Routine

And then it's become like a routine.... video chatting via MSN on the weekends.  SN even got up early, like 4 a.m. in the morning, so he can have this video chat with me.

It's not that I don't enjoy that or anything but SN is always headed toward the "sex chat zone" - which I think it's kinda odd.  I use webcam because I want to see his face and hear his voice, not to see another person's private body part.

Whatttteverrr.... I know he loves to tease me about it.  He says "You're such a shy girl, baby"  What's wrong with me being shy?  It's not like it's a crime !!??  Sometimes he teases me too much that it is so frustrating.

Like last night for example, while we were talking and telling how much we missed one another.  SN was like, "Babe.... can I see your boobies please??" Of course, I firmly rejected him. What the heck was he thinking?  But again, after more and more of "please", I took a photo of my boobies and sent it to SN.  Now...WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???!!!

Still, we always have a great time with this video call chatting :)

Are We Heading Towards the Dead End ??!!

When I woke up this morning, this crazy idea came to my mind.  I thought to myself "let's go to the movie before going to work."  It's not that crazy when you office hour starts from 13:30. So yeah, what the hell.... I went to see The Confession of the Shopaholic.  A little bit disappointed though, it wasn't as fun as I expected.  I do love the girl who starred as Rebecca Bloomwood.  Still can't believe that she's in her 30's!! Damn... she 's even look younger than me.

Anyway, I arrived at the office an hour late today, like 14:30.  I hurry signed in MSN and there he was.... online.... waiting for me....

One tip to our LRD is that I'll try to share my routine life as much as possible.  So we wouldn't feel much of the distance.  (Besides, that's what I always do to KL, my local boyfriend, anyway)

I don't know people.... I felt that there's something wrong today.  I did all the talk most of the time.  SN hardly replied my right away.  It took about 5 minutes for him to reply me back.  How weird was that ??  I mean he used to be all that excited about talking to me online.

SN even mentioned that "I don't know what to say about .....(whatever I was talking about)......" OUCH !!!   It was like I'm falling in this dark hole and he doesn't want to catch me anymore.

Am I losing that promotion honeymoon phase ???  

But we've been together for only 2 months ??!!

I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this but I know that this doesn't feel right.  

Why suddenly he has nothing to say to me ??!!

1st Valentine with SN

For the sake of Valentine's Day, I need to blog about this.

On Friday 13th - sounds scary huh - SN sent me roses.  He lives all the way to New Zealand but he was managed to send beautiful roses to me.  (unlike KL, we've been together for almost 7 years and I received flowers from him only four times.)

No girls could ever say no to flowers, right ??

And on actual Valentine's Day - 14 February 2009 - SN called me just to say "Happy Valentine". Another unexpected surprised.  I can always feel "this thing / spark" between us.  Just thinking about it, makes me smile already.

Everything is still sweet and fine between me and SN.  We still talk with each other every single weekdays (I don't online on the weekends).  He mentioned about "marriage" soooo often that it scared the hell out of me.  A part of me wants to marry him, but another part of me is terrified about what will happen between me and his daughter !!

I know.... I wanna be with him but I don't wanna confront his daughter.  Needless to say, I'll come second.  No matter how badly I want SN to choose me over his daughter but I'm well aware that it would be wrong.  It is wrong just thinking about it actually.

Taking one step at a time seems like the best thing to do in this LDR.

Sex Chat :: not a yay, more like a nay!

Somewhere after midnight last night, while I was enjoying 'Dirt', SN came online.  I was happy, of course, to see him again - although we just talked like 6 hours ago.  I suddenly ignored 'Dirt' and talked to him. LOL.

After those sweet greetings, he asked if I could turn on the webcam.  So we had another good little webcam session again :-)  It's only been 5 days and SN looks a little bit different.  His hair got longer!  Funny, how you can notice this stupid little details when you're in LDR.

And guess what, every time we turn on the webcam, we'll always go to the 'cyber-sex-chat' zone. Frankly speaking, I have never had this kind of conversation in my entire life!!  I have no idea how or where to start.  (Although I could feel that I was getting wet while talking about how badly we want each other).  I mean a part of me still finds cyber-sex-talk disgusting.  It's much better if we just DO IT, you know.

I'm thinking about buying new webcam.  This built-in one is totally suck.  I had to turn the lights back on so SN can see me last night.  What a wasted gadget !! 

p.s. I couldn't help myself to feel excited about this coming Valentine's :-D

Webcam - the Latest Gadget (for me)

Thanks to the technology. Wait, don't get me wrong!  I'm everything but last-season girl.  I'm using 3G iPhone, for christ sake!!

Last saturday night, I and SN were playing webcam.  Believe it or not, it was my fucking FIRST TIME using webcam ??!!  I don't know why I bought the laptop with a built-in webcam in the first place. LOL

As we all know, the built-in webcam has such a bad quality but it WAS great. It was FUN.  I can actually hear his voice.  We didn't type to one another anymore, we talked.  TALKED.   I almost forgot what he sounds like.  I couldn't even stop smiling. :D

Woooohoooo :)  I love webcam.

Hearing his voice and seeing him live, kinda make me want him even more.

Believe it or not, because of this little webcam session we had, he actually told me that he's coming to see me in March.  That's like next month !! I'm so happy I wanna scream out loud. 

And yes, thank you whoever invented that fucking webcam.